faith enough.

in youth group growing up, periodically we would take spiritual gifts assessments. far and away the most common gift for my peers to have, according to these assessments, was faith. however, for me faith always ranked among the lowest of the low (right alongside mercy and service. you want to be my friend now, don't you?).

i never really gave this much thought until recently. most of my 2009 has been an exercise in learning to trust the lord--a lesson i am extremely slow in learning, believe me. from losing loved ones to falling in (and crawling out) of love, graduating college to unexpectedly deciding to go to grad school, moving on top of a mountain in georgia to moving back to silsbee, i have just felt completely tossed about and without a clue for most of this year. when i finally get to a point where i see the result of the lord's faithfulness in my life, some new trial comes along and throws inconsistent me into question again. and i have realized the core issue at stake here: in a nutshell, i am "oh, ye of little faith."

the result of this? some much-needed humility in my walk with the lord. a sense of vulnerability before my creator. and real intimacy with christ through doubt.

i'm at another one of those interesting places right now that is both evidence of god's continued faithfulness and cause for me to be a scaredy cat. tomorrow, i'm going to look at apartments in a brand new place. i'm essentially starting over, and i have no idea what my life is going to look like in just a few short weeks.

this past weekend i spent in colorado springs working at a church i have been blessed to partner with. i stared at the sun setting behind the mountains on the western edge of the town as my plane took off and headed back to my normal life. in the other direction, plains and roads and sandy yellow fields stretched into infinity away from the mountains.

i realized as we flew away from the beautiful mountains and into the dark that i wasn't afraid of the stretch ahead. i stared out my window at the vast, limitless unknown and saw more to hope for than to fear. and what fear i did possess felt more like reverence than terror.

hebrews 11 talks about faith in a more obvious way than possibly any other section of scripture, and i find myself coming back to a few verses found here day after day. after talking about some of our forefathers' faith, the author of hebrews explains,

these all died in faith, not having received the things promised but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having acknowledged that they are strangers and exiles on the earth. for people who speak thus make it clear that they are seeking a homeland. if they had been thinking of that land from which they had gone out, they would have had opportunity to return. but as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. therefore, god is not ashamed to be called their god, for he has prepared for them a city.

i have this passage circled in my bible because i feel it ring true deep within my soul.

i am so quick to forget the promises of god. promises like he loves me and has a plan for my life. promises like he will fulfill his purpose for me and never forsake the work of his hands. promises like he will never leave me or forsake me. promises like he will carry out to completion the work has has begun in my life (and in me).

then i read something like this passage, with its beautiful imagery and poetic language and memorable exposition of a theme, and i can't help but rejoice. instead of freaking out or kicking and screaming as i am so prone to do, those to whom the passage refers see the as of yet unfulfilled promises far off in the distance and greet them, as if to say, "see you soon."

oh, to have this sort of faith. lord, i believe. help my unbelief.

so, promises--i see you over there in the distance. you aren't as close as i would like you to be, but i see you coming toward me every day. i'll be seeing you soon.